Dreaming with my Soul Voice
This past September, I attended a dreamwork retreat. We spent five days deepening into our dreams and giving voice and expression to the underlying messages woven within them. One of my retreat intentions was to become more intimately attuned to the harmony, resonance, and expression of my Soul’s Voice…my true inner voice.
On the second night of the retreat, I woke up in the middle of the night from a vivid dream. I replayed it a few times in my mind and briefly took notes on my phone so I would have accessible references to write the dream out come morning.
Here is the dream:
THE IVORY TOWER
I dream I am in a tall, ivory tower, in a highly luxurious tri-level home within this building. It has white marble countertops contrasted with black cabinets and furniture. I notice the sharp edges of the countertops, the sterile yet modern aesthetic. There is a gas fireplace that can be turned on and off with a switch. It’s what some would consider ‘nice’ but definitely not my style.
In the dream, I am going to get married here — something casual and smaller. I am wearing a deep red dress I own and recognize from waking life, one I’ve had for years and now sometimes sleep in; it’s so cozy and familiar. The deep red dress I’m wearing is the only color in the dream. A few friends are gathered, and it seems in the dream I am marrying someone I know from my past, a friend from my past who has since become very successful with his creative endeavors and business ventures in waking life.
My mom is standing with me in the dream, and I tell her that this person I’m marrying bought this home for $9 million dollars. Her eyebrows went up while looking around the home. Finally she said, “You’re going to live here?” And I could tell she was holding back her concerns. I felt uncomfortable in my skin, like I’m living someone else’s life. I also felt like I’m holding back expressing what I really want. I don’t want to live here. I don’t want to marry this person. Why am I so far away from the ground in this sharp, sterile place? This isn’t me.
Then I woke up.
When I initially wrote down this dream, there was zero indication that it had anything to do with my intention to dream with my Soul Voice. It wasn’t until I began to engage with the various elements of the dream — giving the setting, underlying feelings, and various aspects of the dream a voice — that it started to reveal its hidden truth.
Through a series of reflection questions and space to discern and attune to the underlying aspects of the dream, I realized that the sharp, sterile, rigid elements of the dream represented my analytical and critical mind’s idea of what I should want.
I should want to live in a sharp, sterile environment because it’s what other people see as successful.
I should want to marry this man from my past because his abundant success came from his creativity…doesn’t matter that his values, aesthetic, and overall way of being completely clashes with my own.
In this dream reality, I held my thoughts back, I held my true feelings back, and I held my Soul Voice back. I went along with it all because that’s what I “should” want, that’s what other people see as successful.
My mom served as the archetypal (and literal) Mother’s concern — the litmus test that something wasn’t quite right, mirroring my own suppressed feelings in the dream.
And then there is the Deep Red Dress. When I gave this aspect of the dream a voice, tears came to my eyes as I realized there was my Soul Voice, worn and hidden in plain sight. A dress I am so comfortable and familiar with, sometimes I sleep in it as if it’s a second skin. Deep red revealed itself as a reflection of Ancient Earth Beauty, walking the Way of the Heart — deep devotional red, a flame, a fire that burns, a fire that warms. The deep red dress reflected the way of my Heart — my heart’s true yearning, my heart’s true desire. Without wanting to simplify something with a lot of nuance, I came to realize through this dream that my true soul voice is the expression of my heart’s yearning, desire, and knowing.
There is a dreamwork question I learned from one of my mentors Toko-pa Turner, which she invites asking after spending time illuminating the dream’s underlying messages. This question is: What is the secret yearning of this dream?
When I asked myself this question: I saw the Deep Red taking up more space, transformed into a flame that burned down the ivory tower and returned itself to the Earth. The Deep Red revealed herself as a follower of the heart and a leader of the mind — no longer suppressed beneath the analytical mind’s insistence on what I should want based on others’ ideas of success.
**
Toko-pa says that Dreams reveal the secrets of our souls, and I agree. Illuminating the underlying messages woven with a dream is vulnerable, and so is sharing them.
While this dream revealed secret stories and reflections that deeply resonate with me, I am not attached to deep red as the color I now identify with my Soul Voice. I feel this is an aspect of my Soul Voice that has been more hidden. Up until recently, I have been more comfortable in a blush pink expression of my voice. The deep red revealed an expanded spectrum of my soul voice — a richer spectrum — that burns and hums with the heart of the Earth. This is a Soul Voice edge I’m called to deepen intimacy with at this time…and I wouldn’t have seen or received this awareness had I not taken the time to illuminate the underlying messages woven within this dream.
I believe Dreamwork is the deepest kind of soul work. Dreamwork is also most easily and readily accessible, night after night no matter where you lay your head to sleep. Starting on December 1st, I’m facilitating a 4-week series called Dreaming Deeper — where you will learn foundational practices for dreamwork and soulfully interpreting your dreams, less from the level of the intellect - more from the body, heart and soul. Would love to welcome you if your dreams are calling you!
With love,
Madeline