A story about learning how to live in consent with myself

“The invitation is to be in consent with yourself,” said the retreat facilitator, all of us tucked into a cozy circle. “If you need to leave, the door is open. If your body is calling for rest, there’s full permission and encouragement to excuse yourself and lie down for as long as you need.”

It was March 2019, and while I didn’t know it at the time, I was receiving my first embodied experience of what a trauma-informed space feels like. Full permission, clear encouragement to follow the flow of my physiology. I noticed a sense of relief in my body, like my breath descended a bit deeper. I was used to entering personal growth spaces that started the opening circle with strongly suggested guidelines to not leave the room, to take in as much as possible, and to push beyond any tiredness or discomfort as a supposed subconscious form of resistance showing up.

Sound familiar?

While I didn’t know much about the retreat facilitator, Rachael Maddox, I felt a deep and clear resonance with the words I’d seen her share on social media. Following the flow of my physiology—of a subtle but very clear inner yes—led me to this space in the first place.

Up until that point, I’d participated in nearly a decade of rigorous personal growth—from coaches to workshops to deeper dives into my Master’s degree in spiritual psychology mixed with countless hours of meditation. I had been a very serious student, dedicated to following the rules and traditions shared with me. I eventually reached a point where I felt like all the “work” I was engaging in led me to a plateau. I felt stuck, and I sincerely questioned if life was really supposed to feel this intense most of the time.

So here I was, sitting in a circle of strangers who somehow felt familiar, taking in the invitation to let my body guide me. To be in consent with myself.

Throughout the weekend, we were led through many nourishing group experiences, but I’ll always remember one moment in particular, a pivotal shift in my way of relating to myself.

As we moved into a group exercise, in which each person was invited to share, a wave of sleepiness washed over me. I started yawning and felt like I couldn’t quite keep my head up. In previous workshop experiences, this is the point I might have reached for caffeine or excused myself to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face. Instead, remembering the invitation to be in consent with myself, I quietly got up from my pillow and found a really cozy space in the hallway to lie down. I closed my eyes and fell into a deep rest then woke up 20 minutes later feeling completely refreshed, like I had awoken from a full night’s sleep.

I remember lying on the floor after my nap, and feeling the coziest sense of homecoming within myself. My body was thanking me for listening to its requests for rest. I returned to the circle with the energy, capacity, and presence to participate in the exercise while also honoring that part of the experience for me was to fully receive and put into practice the invitation to be in consent with myself.

While it may seem like a small and subtle thing, I reactivated a dormant muscle within myself that weekend, the ability to listen to my body's cues and honor its needs - independent of external authority. I was also shown a new way of leadership: encouraging participants to attune inside and honor what’s most needed within the structure of the experience. This is now how I facilitate retreats and classes—with the invitation to explore what truly being in consent with yourself might look like throughout the experience.

Your body constantly communicates to you through subtle cues: sensations, temperatures, textures, moods, even body posture. Taking a moment to attune to—what’s it like to be me right now?—can slow down the fast momentum of what you think you *should* be doing, and instead open your heart to what you really need.

Once you hear what your body is asking for, can you meet your body’s request with tender loving care? To give yourself what you need, even if it means leaving a retreat to take a nap in the hallway...or perhaps just placing a hand on your heart and taking a few deep breaths if you are in a space you cannot excuse yourself from.

If this topic is speaking to your heart today, I dive a lot deeper into it in a conversation in the upcoming free online summit called Embodied Essence. My talk is called “Your Body Is Your Guardian Angel” ~ you can sign up to receive the free series here!

If you’re used to ignoring or overriding your body’s needs, this shift can take time, so be patient as you start to live in consent with yourself. Honoring your body’s needs can feel radical—because it is. Most of us are taught to meet our own needs last, not first. However, your body is a lifelong partner in this life. While its cues may feel inconvenient at times, they are always in your best interest to heed. And when you start to listen and give your body what it needs, you’ll experience more ease, clarity, and capacity to enjoy and be present for every day of your wildly precious life.

Love,
Madeline