Reflections on a Summer with Saints
Every summer I feel into an underlying intentional theme for the season ahead. Over the past 15ish years - it's been a pretty steady intention inspired by the feeling I receive from two songs: “New Summer” by Young Galaxy and “The Rain Song” by Led Zeppelin.
This past April, however - something different emerged. When I started to feel into the summer ahead - three words I'd never heard before emerged into my consciousness: Summer of Saints.
What would a Summer infused with Saints feel like? What might unfold when I surrender summer into the serenade of the Saints? While these three words inspired the series I offered called Summer of Saints, it's also served as a guiding star for me this past summer.
Shortly after accepting Summer of Saints as my intention - I very quickly learned that Saints don't wait, Saints don't hesitate - Saints have their days packed with faces + places to be and miracles to make, no matter the weather…and a Summer with Saints meant that my summer was about to get a whole lot more full.
Within two weeks of embracing this intention, my summer schedule became unexpectedly stuffed with the Saints' signature. My partner and I surprisingly found a dream home we put an offer on that was accepted, my dear friend Rebecca Campbell invited me to assist on her weeklong Omega Retreat upstate New York, and I made plans to travel to Topanga to offer A Midsummer Night's Dreamdate - sharing my book and breath - on the full moon Summer Solstice.
I also agreed to facilitate a bridal blessing for my younger sister - in addition to agreeing to join family trips for both Dane's family and my family. Oh yes - and did I mention that we also decided to do a little construction on our home before moving in? Such was my emerging Summer with Saints!
By early June, just before all of these plans were about to kick off - I was ready to cancel over half of them. The thought of traveling around so much while in the midst of unexpectedly moving had my hobbit-loving homebody clinging to the known. Also: as someone who doesn't like flying, the thought of getting on nine planes in the span of five weeks brought up feelings. And yet… Saints don't wait, Saints don't hesitate - Saints have their days packed with faces + places to be and miracles to make. When honest with myself: Canceling plans and flights felt propelled by fear, staying with it felt like an uncomfortable mystery.
While there are several stories within my Summer with Saints that have humbled me with gracious awe - there is one in particular that I feel called to share with you today.
It was sweaty-sticky mid-July, and I had three days to pack up the entire home, teach two classes, and meet with a handful of clients. I prayed to receive the energy needed to meet each commitment with grace and felt a combination of at-capacity-on-every-level coupled with an enthusiastic readiness. I could do this.
On the first evening of these three days, when my partner Dane asked me if I would join him for a swim at the river near our place - I knew how revitalizing the refreshingly cold water was for me - it always brightened my energy and my spirit. I happened to have a window of time that early evening…so I said yes.
When we arrived at the river, it was busier than usual. This neighborhood spot is usually pretty quiet and private - even in the height of summer. We walked along the riverbank and looked for a spot, yet in the myriad of private little enclaves - there were small clusters of people swimming and relaxing on the shore. When we reached the end, I said - “let's just swim here - it won't be a big deal joining others if we're just dipping in and out.” Yet Dane insisted on walking along the shore once more.
As we turned around to walk back, I started to notice butterflies in my stomach. Why am I nervous-excited right now? I brushed it off as existential butterflies, reminding me of all the tasks to complete in a short amount of time.
On our second walkthrough, we ran into a few people leaving a private river cove. We walked down to its shallow shoreline, setting down our things before placing our feet in the water. Dane reached for my hand and we rested quietly for a little while, taking in the sighing sounds of the river.
Dane set down my hand and reached for his bag - and at that moment: the butterflies in my stomach erupted into frenzied flight as I began to realize what could be happening. Loud, incessant thoughts immediately jabbed through my mind:
WAIT….how can this be happening now?
I don't have space to receive this - there's so much to do!
I'm not ready! My hair is a mess!! I've barely landed! Ahhhhhh.
Then I looked at Dane and mercifully, my mind went blank. Pure love and cherishing poured through his gaze as he took my hand - speaking words that further melted my thoughts, my perceptions, the parts of me that held on tight to a strict and predictable schedule.
He then stepped into the river, water lapping around his ankles, before kneeling down before me and asking the question of questions.
Of course I said yes.
Time seemed to slow down, speed up, and still all at once. Ecstatic awe, shock, delight, and lightning rippled through me, through us - as we stood together in the shallows of the river, embracing. A moment later, a honeybee flew around us in a figure eight, landing on Dane's hand before flying off. We both stilled, watching its movement as if in a waking dream - and I told Dane that I'm pretty sure the bee just married us, or at the very least - blessed our Yes.
We both submerged into the river (I made sure to keep the ring shoreside!) and let the waters cleanse and bless us. I remembered how in the early days of our relationship, rather than label it from the start - we'd say, let's see where the river carries us.
The river carried us here <3
What does this story have to do with a Summer with Saints?
Saints don't wait, Saints don't hesitate - Saints have their days packed with faces + places to be and miracles to make.
If it were up to my mind's plan, the engagement would not have happened that evening. Its calculating protests wanted me to look prepared and be ready…to expect it on some level… and most of all: to NOT be busy.
How many times have I left before a miracle unfolded because I'm too busy, I have too much going on? How many times have I denied the grace that's yearning to rain down upon me? How many times have I said no when something deeper within me whispered yes?
The Saints spent the whole summer serenading me in surprise, surprises I didn't expect or always feel ready or prepared for. They weren't all surprises that seemingly dropped out of the sky - but rather, ones that have been fruiting into form for years upon years.
I don't want to paint a picture that one's life has to be action-packed to welcome in the Saints (or any kind of divine support for that matter). There are plenty of summers in my past that felt more like inner winters, full of grief, longing, and prayer to receive the kind of dawn that stayed for dinner. It doesn't mean the Saints, angels, Divine wasn't right there with me.
I've learned that Saints, Angels, and the Divine meet us in every kind of season and weather - ready and resourced to guide us towards what feels to me like an un-learning and a breaking free…in some seasons, that might mean saying No more than yes. For me this summer - it was an ongoing invitation to cooperate with my Yes, leaning into the discomfort of the unknown.
How can we unlearn what we think we know to be true about ourselves?
How can we break free from deciding what is possible based on what is known?
How can we grow trust in the call towards something uncomfortable and unfamiliar when the known feels safe and comfortable?
My definition for Saints are down-to-Earth miracle makers who lived with great courage. While every Saint has unique stories and gifts to share - I've found all Saints help to nourish and grow courage, emerging from the call of our heart.
I believe that both Saints and Angels are messengers of our hearts. While this summer is sighing towards completion, it's never too late to lean into the callings of your heart. What is your heart calling you towards right now? What is your next resonant step in that direction?
May the Saints (and their serenade of unexpected surprises) meet you there!
With love,
Madeline
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PS: If you're called to deepen intimacy with the callings of your heart, there are a few spaces left for my upcoming autumn retreat. Learn all the details + apply here!