“I want to be an elf,” and other dinner party conversations.

This past week, I hosted a small dinner gathering at my home with some newer friends.

One friend lives with her partner off the grid at the base of Mt. Shasta, and though it’s technically nearby, it’s a one-hour drive to their home from downtown. She’s seen wolves roam free through the land there – it’s a cedar-filled forest remote enough for wild animals to feel at home.

While I’ve hung out with this friend a few times, I’ve never really talked about what I “do” or offer in the world. The few times we’ve socialized have been more surface level.

As the night wound on, I told her that one of my life dreams is to live in an EarthShip. I shared how my dream aesthetic is a nest-shaped, faerie-friendly hobbit home filled with plants and flowers and blessed with an apiary of beehives.

She told me she’s always wanted to visit the hobbit homes in New Zealand – and then quieted her voice a little bit before inquiring… Have you ever thought about your future life? Like, not something happening tomorrow or in five years, but like – where you could go after leaving this life?

My eyes lit up with an encouraging nod.

She continued, “When I leave here, I want to be an elf who lives in Inner Earth. I don’t know why, but I’ve felt that way most of my life. I don’t think too much about where I was before here, yet I love thinking about where I can go after.”

Though I attempted to keep it calm and cool, at this point my spirit felt like it was jumping up and down and singing.

My inner perception started connecting dots:

1. She lives at the foot of Mt. Shasta, a place known for its myths around Inner Earth beings.
2. She's a lawyer who protects water rights.

I asked her if she was open to hearing a possibility – she said yes – and I shared that souls who incarnate from the elemental (fairy) realm often feel like they don’t belong here. They can hold an inner fire that sometimes manifests as a grudge or disgust towards those who pollute or treat the environment poorly. Many incarnated elementals choose to become human so that they can contribute to protecting the environment (cue her profession as a lawyer for water rights protection).

Through our conversation, we were able to see how in a way, she’s already doing it. She’s already embodying the qualities of an elf from Inner Earth even if it feels and looks different at the moment than she’d prefer.

Both can exist: the acknowledgement of already living your dream and the yearning to be somewhere remembered and felt, past or future, yet not totally accessible to you right now.

My new friend asked me what I would hypothetically be in my future life if I could be anything…

I felt into the question and was surprised by the emotion that welled up with my answer, “I’d want to be a golden angel who helps people feel better.”

We unpacked that a bit – I’ve always felt a connection to the Angelic Realm yet am 100% committed to being human, and also do my best to keep my work grounded and relatable because I don’t want to be ostracized for my inner experiences and yearnings. And yes: a large part of my work right now is to help people feel better. I’m already doing it.

While soul travels and our origins beyond humanity are things I’ve talked about intimately and extensively in classes like Fairy School, it always takes me by pleasant surprise when I’m able to be open about it in unexpected places with unexpected people. This conversation allowed me to return to the knowing within myself that no matter how many years pass or places I go, inside and out – there it is. My eternal soul. Returning, revealing itself to me again and again.

This conversation nourished me, rejuvenated me, and opened my perception on what kinds of conversations can unfold with people in places I least expect.

It also reminded me of an exercise in Week 1 of The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Julia invites you to imagine up to five different careers or professions you would like to do, practicality or your current life timeline aside. Such as a lead rock singer, a ballet dancer, a doctor, an artist, or a gardener. She then invites you to reflect on some of the qualities embodied in these professions. For example, a rock singer might embody courageous audacity. How might you bring more of that quality into your expression today?

I’ve always loved this exercise, and my conversation with my new friend inspired me to view it through a multi-dimensional lens. Just as my friend wants to be an elf from Inner Earth and I'm called to be a golden angel who helps people feel better, can you imagine/feel into what mythic embodiment would feel fun for you?

For example:

a flower fairy who grants wishes
a mer-person who commands the weather
a blue star who swirls secret healing spells throughout the Universe
an angel who sings songs to answer prayers

If a mythic creature doesn’t resonate with you, how about the elements? What if you could be an emerald-colored, mossy majestic tree being? What if you could be the wind who whispers comfort into the ears of those who need it most? Or do you prefer the quiet of the desert and the neon sunsets it shares?

Notice what sings and speaks to your body and soul. Invite that energy into your consciousness, into your imagination. Feel your yearning for it…and notice how you can embody it today, right now.

I think the world will be a better place the more we welcome our non-human origins, or perhaps our more-than-human origins. I hesitate to say this in a way that pivots our experiences from Earth to elsewhere, because we are here now. We can take action now.

For me, feeling my connection to an etheric place and time helps me feel like I can belong here even more. Instead of telling myself, “Don’t go there. You belong here,” accepting these intuitive nudges widens my capacity for embracing and accepting all parts of my inner experience. By sharing them with others I change the narrative from hidden and forbidden to: what if this, too, belongs?

with love and care,
Madeline